The adventures of Brandy part 2

...... which turned out to be no easy thing.
I had to trawl numerous sights, dodgy as hell tryign not to accidentally bring up a page with 'cock rings', 'double ended dildos' and other quite unsavoury items. I was after the ideal stereotypical sex doll that you see on television. A sex doll has reached iconic status, a design icon like the light bulb and the Coca Cola label. Proven by Jake and Dinos Chapman in the 2003 turner prize UK where their sex dolls cast in bronze reached hi acclaim. The sterotypical doll has to have; open mouth, realistic (ha ha) face, blonde hair fake hair, arms that stick out at an un-natural angle, and bastically be disgusting and repulsive. Not the kind of thing that you really want to have sex with.
Finding one was hard. All the ones available did not fir the bill. They were all not the stereotypical type and dint fit the criterea, exept the disgusting and un-appealing part. They all had photographs of some porn stars face imprinted on them, no good, with titles like 'bonking bonita', i wont go into the rest, things like 'she is young, dumb and full of ......' exactly, yuk.
Needless to say they are not available over the internet in India. My friend comes from Australia and i was thinking about importing from there. However the dolls in australia were considerable more expensive then the UK, maybe because there is more demand, ha ha (im from the UK). I also discovered an article from a newspaper in Sydney that reconed you could rent one, No No No, wrong wrong wrong.
Apparently the sexdoll originates from Germany. During the second world war the German army was losing a lot of its soldiers to sexually transmitted diseases fromt the French prostitutes (perhaps a ploy by the French underground resistance, Hmm an episode of 'Alo Alo' there I feel?), so the needed an alternative to the lovely French young ladies. They came up with 'Gertrude' (or some thing like that oooh so sexy) the sex doll. They modelled her on the ideals of the perfect arean female; athletic, blonde, blue eyed, etc, made from foam rubber. However not many of the German soldiers found her attractive because she was too perfect (or parhaps it was because she was not real? now there is a though), so they had to build defects into her to make her more realistic. Goering was so pleased with Gertrude he ordered 50 straight away. Dirty man. But surely if they didnt was Gertrude propperly they would transmit diseave any how? Hmm how about contraception? Easy!!!
I eventually found my dream girl on www.barbrakelly.co.uk one of the more decent sites. Miss 'Big Boobed Brandy' fitted the stereotype perfectly and was damn cheap too.
Now all I had to do was get her to India from the UK ......

The adventures of Brandy part 1.

This started off not about Brandy, but with a photoshoot concept for my friends clothing line 'Oompf'. From there it has grown in to a long chronical, far greater than the original concept. I am writing this in heignsight as this has developed over a few months and i have only just started this blog. I feel it such a chronical it has to be recorded.
My friend designs exquisite hand block printed garments for the foriegn market, australia and america. Her label is called 'Oompf', I might as well plug it. She wants to re-launch it into the western world with a fun and funky feel and so enlisted my help knowing i have an artistic inclination. Now these garments are not the run of the mill block printed rubbish that you find in Jaipur, they have much better styling and tailoring.
The concept that immediately sprung to mind, seeing as my friend is quite a forthright individual, was something completely off the wall that reflected her personality and desgn flair. I was knocking around with different ideas and Brandy was one of them that seemed to stick. She wasnt Brandy then, but since then it was Brandy that i discovered, well you could say she found me. The idea was to have a pretty young girl wearing 'Oompf' clothing in various situations with a blow up sex doll, no no no tastefully done of course. This is something never really seen in India, so it would definately be fun. There were various concepts for example; picture old ware house, mound of earth with a spade next to it as if been dug up as a shallow grave, blow up doll on her knees, a beautiful girl standing over her with a gun about to execute the doll. The tag line could read soemthing like this; 'have you lost the Oompf in your se life?'. Basic but sweet.
The next task was to find a sex doll......

Pet Peeves on Flickr

One thing that really pisses me off is people on Flickr who give meaning full titles to there photographs and put poems along side them. Here is an example:

THE ISOLATION
Good morning my isolation…What relation do I share with you…I was scared by you in my teenage…I was young and always in rageYou were a stranger to me…And I always thought we wont ever go alongTime changed… and now.. I know… that you are there in shadowsAlways watching me… and waiting for the right moment to hold meI was rejoicing in joy… and hunted by euphoriaI never knew… ill see u again… my so called happiness never told meIve never been loyal to you… I thought I can fool youThought that ill keep you in the dark… and tried to fakeNever knew what a stupid thing .. it is to do wid youBut you were still there smiling .. you came back… may be for my sakeThen … everyone left… and u came again…I missed you… now the only thing ive got in my life is you…Now on I don’t want to trust on so called loyal friendsSo called "my people"… I made a mistake… and I paidYou must be laughing on my illusions… but still you are my only friend as I saidDon’t leave me in good times again… Now I am having good time with you…Things cant get better….This time I know… I wont regret for this later
Anirudh Agarwal

What a load of crap! Personally i think people do this to make themsleves seem more intelligent than they actually are by quoting some petry, most of the time it is lifted from soemone else. It is almost as if they are trying to justify their photograph. surely the photograph should stand alone as a decent photograph?
I have found this more prevelent here in india and mostly by guys. I think it is that mental machoistic attiude of showing off, or in other words tryign to sound intelligent so that they can chat up girls and with a mind to getting laid. Sad twats. Here is a typical description from a western post on Flickr:

Photography by Jeff Mawer08070023strobist: Nikon SB800 camera left with grid spot; Nikon SB800 behind Joe and pointing towards camera; smoke coming from a mixture of a smoke bomb and the cigarette

Far more descriptive dont you think? I also had, past tense, a friend who kept putting poetry on his photographs. He is good, very good, so i told him that he doesnt need to justify them as they are good images. He got pissed off with this and blocked me writing comments and took me off his friend list and has never spoken to me ever again. His loss. Childish. Especially from a man in his 40s. I have go so pissed off with the Indian photographers on Flickr i never look at their images out of principal now and dont even bother logging on. Most of them are just 'street photographs', they are all street photographers in india, boring passe. If i see another village woman in a ghaggra, choli and odhani again i will scream. Only decent images for me from now on.

I am thinking of starting a group on flickr called Poetry Is So Stupid On Flickr and Facebook or the acronym PISS OFF. so when you see some twat on Flickr writing a load of bollocks request them to join PISS OFF so every one can laugh at them. Then as a comback to this i will up load images with the title 'twat' or 'arse' or some such rubbish like that, and write a peom like:

'spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam, lovely spam wonderful spam, lovely spam wonderful spam, lovely spam wonderful spam, lovely spam wonderful spam, spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam'

Dave

Well it was Adithi Oberoi that made me start this blog, bless her! well i have to give you soem credit girl.